On Being Queer

Ever since I started this blog I’ve been thinking about how many lifestyle blogs exist on this platform alone.  The world of lifestyle blogging is overpopulated and is slowly becoming polluted by the world of advertising (I’m not saying don’t do paid promotions, I’m merely suggesting that if people only did paid promotions for things they actually believe in then it would make it much less of a fickle environment).  Then I started thinking about when I was younger, what I used to go in search for online: forums about LGBT+ issues, blogs about being queer, YouTube videos made by LGBT+ people and music, movies and fiction with queer characters.  Very few of these things existed and very few continue to exist.  While many (unsurprisingly heterosexual) people are quick to say, ‘omg everything is about LGBT stuff now’, I’m unsure where they’re finding this sea of queer content and if they could let me know then that would be wonderful.

Let’s get the boring bit out of the way, I didn’t ‘just know’ that I was queer, it was far more complicated than that.  At age six I wrote in my diary, ‘if I don’t marry a boy then I will marry my best friend Katy’ (Katy, if you ever read this, I hope you have your wedding veil or tux at the ready cause I sure as heck don’t have a boyfriend).  By age eight I had a crush on the lady who came to teach us sport for a term but I didn’t know it was a crush, I thought I just really liked drawing pictures of us holding hands.  Aged eleven, I met a girl who I would unrequitedly fall in love with and spend four years of secondary school befriending (it was tragic, one day I will write a blog post about it).  From the exact moment I met that girl, I knew for sure.  But I had always known and not known.  I hadn’t had the language or understanding to put it into words.

Once you know you’re queer the hard part starts.  There’s the eternal fear that everyone you love will abandon you.  Then there’s navigating the world of teenage dating as a queer person and wondering if you are, in fact, the only queer person in the entire world.  There’s the lack of sex education for queer people (in my school, there was no information about LGBT+ people in any lesson).  There’s the wondering if you are actually queer because you’re not sure if you look queer or act queer or feel queer.  Then there’s the internalised homophobia, biphobia, transphobia; the persistent self-hatred fuelled by years of heterosexual media and homophobic narratives.  Somewhere in the back of your mind there’s a wish or prayer which says, ‘I just want to be normal’. 

On a daily basis, I still struggle with that last part.  I’ve mentioned previously on this blog that I seek acceptance and have never been the type to ‘fit in’ and it’s clear that this contributes to my internalised narrative of self-rejection.  In an attempt to combat this, I thought, ‘what if I could create a whole blog full of things about being queer’.  Perhaps, as well as helping myself, I could help someone else. 

I’d love to cultivate a community of queer bloggers so if you plan on setting up an LGBT+ themed blog of your own then comment below or if you already have a blog feel free to link me to it!- AB


3 thoughts on “On Being Queer

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  1. Hey! I love the fact that you’re wanting to put the LGBT community on the map! As a kid, I tried to find blogs etc. and like you, I couldn’t find any at all, so keep up with it! I love the two posts you’ve put up to far! x

    Liked by 1 person

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